The martial-marital arts

I've been practicing a lot with Jenny these days. I didn't really think it was a good idea for her to practice with me so much, but it kept her happy in the dojo, so I kept my misgivings to myself.

In fact, I meant to mention it to her sometime soon, but at least for last night I thought it would be OK because Junya was teaching. He always makes us change partners throughout the class.

Well, for some reason, Junya didn't seem to be himself. First of all we didn't warm up at all, which is unusual for him. In particular, he likes to make the class back roll and rock forward into a standing position. Many times. And fast. And he often does lots of other basic exercises. It's tough sometimes, but really good practice.

But last night he simply started the class with suki kokyunage back stretch. I didn't mind missing all the back rolls, but then he didn't have us change partners, either. Partnering with Jenny didn't go well and I knew I had to say something.

One reason she likes to partner with me is because she feels free to tell me she's tired and wants to take it easy. In of itself, that is OK -- I don't like to go at full speed for an entire hour either -- but it progressed to the point yesterday where she was slacking a bit.

I told her after class that it was perfectly fine to sit for a short rest and also fine to leave the mat (after asking the instructor) for a drink of water or a longer rest if she feels really bad. Generally speaking however, one should at least try to keep moving when practicing on the mat. If I'm feeling tired I may spend a second or two breathing after a pin or before an attack. That's a kind of acceptable "cheat." No one's trying to be a maniac. But dear you can't just lie there. This is aikido. I think she'd be less likely to do this with another partner.

I also spend a lot of time in class trying to help her. Of course, I am happy to do this, but it also got out of hand last night to the point were I was feeling self-conscious. There is only so much one should talk on the mat, and in fact, that is very little. A quick word or two is OK, but long winded explanations are out of place -- especially from me.

So after class I told her I thought it was a good idea if we partnered with others most of the time. At first she thought I was angry with her for slacking off. But I told her it would be good for her to get more experience with other aikidoka. "Why spend all your time practicing with a guy who's been at this for less than two years when there are plenty of others around with decades of experience?" She seemed to accept this.

It's a tough call. She really has been improving, so part of me says why not continue to practice with her, which has been successful? But I think it's time to step up to the next level and mix more with the general dojo population. Certainly she can do it if she wants to.

There are the martial arts and then there are the marital arts. How one should act as a good spouse and how one should act as a good aikido partner are not quite the same. Both require concern for the other and a desire to be helpful, but one may be indulgent while the other should be a bit more reserved. Going to the dojo with a spouse is really nice, but it has it's own particular pitfalls.